4 Strategies to Manage ADHD Paralysis
What is ADHD paralysis?
ADHD paralysis (also called ADHD freeze, among other things) is the debilitating feeling that occurs when you have a task you want to begin but feel like you cannot get motivated enough to actually do it. ADHD paralysis can feel very strong. Some people have reported that it sometimes makes no sense for them not to do a task and it may be a task they’ve done over and over in the past. They may even have the desire to do the task but they simply cannot bring themselves to do the task at hand. Sometimes the thought of movement can take so much energy that any kind of mental/emotional/ physical forward motion sounds impossible.
Many of my clients that experience ADHD paralysis also report feeling shame, as many people that experience this paralysis think that they “should '' get up and do the thing they want to do but have no motivation to do so. Many of them have heard that they are lazy for “allowing” themselves to move so slowly and that there is no excuse. This can cause the feeling of not wanting to move to become even stronger.
ADHD paralysis can also affect your decision-making abilities. I believe the concept of decision-making paralysis warrants its own post. The focus of this blog will be on what to do when you have an action you already know you want to take, but are unable to bring up the necessary motivation.
What are some strategies for dealing with ADHD paralysis?
Because this paralysis can be very strong and very problematic, it pays to have some strategies on hand so that when you want to begin a task and lack motivation, you’ll know how to manage it. Below are four techniques for dealing with your paralysis. I encourage you to give all of the techniques a try in order to gather as much information as you can in determining which techniques work best for you. My hope is that if you have strategies ready for the next time you have moments of paralysis, you will feel less overwhelmed when the paralysis occurs. This is not an exhaustive list, but some strategies that I have found helpful for myself and my clients.
1. Be gentle and affirming in your self-talk
When you are experiencing ADHD paralysis, be gentle with yourself beyond what might feel normal. You might have been told in the past that if you can’t “just get up and do something”, there must be something seriously wrong with you. Self defeating messages of being lazy and not worth anything will often get lodged in your head and can slow down your progress. If you can, allow your inner dialogue to go in another direction. When the paralysis occurs, begin to tell yourself, “this is a thing that happens to you sometimes, but you can handle it. Sometimes you feel this way, but you always move out of it eventually”. Other things to say to yourself might include, “This is something you want to do and although you aren't doing it at the moment, you will do it eventually, and you’ll feel so good when the task is finished” or “I’m proud of you for not giving up on this. You’re showing real determination”. I like to remind myself of all the difficult things I’ve accomplished in life as a way to affirm that I can do this other difficult thing. It’s easy to get frustrated during these times. If you find yourself getting frustrated, take a positive self-talk break and a few deep breaths. You may find after doing this that you’re ready to give the task another go.
2. Check in with your feelings
Oftentimes negative feelings related to a task or the expectation of negative feelings can be a barrier to starting a task. Check in with the feelings related to the task that is paralyzing you. For example, do you expect to be bored with the thing you are about to do? Do you resent having to do the thing you are wanting to accomplish? When you check in with your feelings, acknowledge it if there are negative feelings related to the task. Acknowledging that the feelings are there and giving yourself permission to feel whatever feelings you may have related to the paralyzing task may be enough to move you into a place of forward movement on the task. If checking in with your feelings and acknowledging them isn’t enough, it could be helpful to spend some time on addressing the feelings you are having. Some ways to further address the feelings could be speaking to a friend about the feelings, journaling about your feelings, or exercising as a release for any pent up feelings. If the feelings still feel strong to the point that you are still unable to tackle the task, it could help to more deeply process the feelings with a therapist.
3. Start with the smallest step and go from there
What is the absolute smallest thing that you could do to get started with your task? Let’s say you are wanting to clean your kitchen but you can’t bring yourself to do it. For some people the first step might be getting off of the couch. If you can get yourself off the couch, consider yourself successful! When you are feeling extreme ADHD paralysis, progress in the forward direction should not be taken for granted. Think about the next step you want to take. Maybe it’s finding your cleaning supplies. If you are able to do this, this is another step toward success on your larger goal of cleaning the kitchen.
Many times, the process of coming up with a step and doing the step when you are in the middle of ADHD paralysis can be extremely energy sucking. You might decide to take a break after each step you take. If you do that, I would encourage you to make it a break with a measurable beginning and end time, like 5 minutes. Set a timer and when the time is up, check in with yourself and decide if you can create another step. When the paralysis seems very strong, many breaks between the steps may be in order. Over time, you may find that if you are getting into a rhythm of completing steps, you might gain some momentum and not need as many breaks. If you do feel the need to take intentional, timed breaks, it will take you more time to complete the task, but I would encourage you to see the forward direction of completing each step as the objective, not the speed in which you complete the overall task as the objective. Do your best to continue step by step toward completion.
4. Accept your reality and work with it
Accept ADHD paralysis as a thing that happens. It is a natural symptom for many people that deal with ADHD. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself of that and give yourself permission to not do anything for a while and choose to be paralyzed. Oftentimes, we can get into a cycle of feeling bad about not doing anything and then the shame of not doing something can keep us stuck. By allowing ourselves and choosing to be paralyzed, we don’t have to see it as a bad thing, but instead as a natural thing that happens to us sometimes and something we have some control over. This can help reduce the shame or negative feelings we might feel that can come with paralysis.
If there is concern that you might choose to remain paralyzed for hours on end, it can help to be intentional on how long you want to take a “paralysis break”. Sometimes it helps to set a timer or alarm and simply give yourself time and permission to do nothing during the time you’ve set. During that time, really give into the feeling of paralysis. After the timer goes off, check in with yourself and see if you're ready to attempt the task at hand. If you are, great! If not, be okay with not being ready and then set the timer again. Accepting reality and not giving into the shame of being paralyzed can eventually move you into a place of action.
The bad news…and then the good news
The bad news is ADHD paralysis is a condition that can prove very difficult to those that experience it. There can be a great deal of frustration that comes from it, especially if you don’t know how to move through the paralysis and begin your task. The good news is that there are strategies that can be utilized to manage ADHD paralysis that can lead to forward motion and assist you in beginning the job at hand. I wish you the best in finding the most effective techniques for you. Also, if you think that I could be of assistance to you in your ADHD therapy journey, feel free to contact me! I’m here to help.
