I’m a Teenager With ADHD. What Should I Do?
“What’s wrong with me?” Michael exclaimed as he put his head on his desk . Michael had been working on his homework for an hour and was only on his second math problem. He had many more left to complete and it was getting late. He knew his Mom was going to come in and check on him soon, and would be upset that he wasn’t further along in his work. Besides that, he was planning on playing the video game he got yesterday and knew that if he didn’t complete more work that he wouldn’t be allowed to play the game tonight. “Why does it take me so long to get this work done? I know how to do it, but it takes forever to get going. I give up.”
Michael is probably like you or one of your friends. Michael is 14 years old. Michael likes video games, hanging out with his friends and has become a movie buff over the last year. Michael is an artist and also runs track. He's a fun guy and you'd probably like him. Although Michael has a lot of fun and is fun to be around, Michael also struggles with some things. Michael has trouble focusing and completing assignments in school. It takes him a very long time to complete his homework. Sometimes he'll stare blankly at his laptop screen, and it feels like his brain is “glitching out”.
On top of that, his Mom and Dad ask him to do things around the house like clean his cat’s litter box and clean his room, but he doesn't see the point in what they are asking, so it usually takes him a long time to do what they request. Other times he plans on doing what’s asked of him, but he's so focused on whatever he's doing that he totally forgets to do things that his parent’s ask. This causes Michael's parents to get very frustrated with him, and sometimes, he doesn't understand what the big deal is because he’ll get it done eventually.
Another thing that happens to Michael is that he can get really interested in something almost to the point of not wanting to do anything else. Sometimes Michael can be interested in something very strongly, and then out of nowhere, he's no longer interested. All of these things leave Michael feeling confused and not good about himself, like something’s wrong with him.
Because of Michael’s problems at school, Michael’s favorite teacher suggested to Michael's parents that Michael be seen by a psychologist. The psychologist talked with Michael and his parents and also had Michael and his parents fill out some surveys and tests. As a result of this testing, Michael received a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. After the diagnosis, Michael was taken to a therapist for teens who also had ADHD.
Michael's therapist first let him know that there was nothing wrong with Michael, but that he did have a difference in his thinking and how he applied himself related to tasks. Because of that, certain things might be difficult for him, but not impossible. The therapist worked with Michael on realizing that there wasn't anything wrong with him. In fact, the way he thought and saw the world could give him an edge that other people might not have. Michael also learned from his therapist that he was not alone. He let Michael know that there are plenty of people in the world that deal with symptoms of ADHD and are so successful that no one would even know that they have any differences. Michael started implementing strategies he learned in therapy for getting things done. Michael also got help from his parents and teachers. As a result, he figured out ways that helped him get his homework done much faster, get chores done more efficiently, and get his parents to stop being frustrated.
Michael started feeling better about himself because he realized he wasn’t alone. He understood that there are other people that deal with what he was dealing with that had also figured out ways to manage their issues of inattention and distraction. Once Michael started using those well-established strategies to help with his struggles, he began to feel much more hopeful and as if he could deal with the problems that came up in his life.
The above story is a rough draft excerpt from a book that I’m currently working on, The Teenager’s Guide to ADHD: Take Care of Your ADHD and Accept Yourself. If you're reading this, then chances are that you've felt like Michael (or you are close to someone who has felt like Michael). You have felt like people don't understand you and you might not understand yourself. Your diagnosis of ADHD may be something you’re ashamed of and something you want to hide. Trying to feel successful and good about yourself may feel impossible. I want you to know that I've felt that way before and so have many of my clients. I want you to see that you are not the only person that has felt this way. You are one of many people that have ADHD. You can have ADHD and also have the ability to feel successful and good about yourself.
How do you get to a point in which you effectively manage your ADHD and feel good about yourself? Below are some thoughts about how you might get started with that.
An important thing to remember as a teenager that has an ADHD diagnosis is that you don't have to go it alone. It can be easy to think that you are the only one in the world with ADHD. That can be extremely isolating. You can also feel some shame for being different from others. From my experience, the best way to deal with any isolation or shame that you might be feeling would be to talk about your diagnosis with others and let other people give you support as you manage your ADHD. If you feel safe doing so, start with your parents. Many parents are willing to help, but they sometimes need some help on knowing what you are needing and how you might be feeling about your diagnosis. This helps your parents give you the support you would really want instead of the support they think you want. Parents also like to know what you are feeling so they don’t have to guess and potentially get it wrong. It can feel kind of awkward talking about anything for the first time, but once you get through that, you could find it to be helpful.
Chances are you also have friends with ADHD. Although they might not be able to offer support the same way your parents can, talking with trusted friends could reinforce that you’re not the only person experiencing this and that you aren’t going through this all by yourself. Knowing that can be very powerful. Some people also benefit from talking with a peer support group, a coach or a therapist. You can get your parents or a school counselor to help you in finding one of those. One of these options can offer support plus tried and true strategies to help you in your most difficult moments.
Another early step in dealing with your ADHD once you’ve been diagnosed by a doctor or clinician is to recognize that although your ADHD can cause you problems, these problems can be managed. You might ask “How?” I would say that everyone is different but that there are enough strategies available to you that if some don’t work, others will. The key is to be a human guinea pig for a while. What I’m suggesting is that you try several trusted techniques given to you by books, a support group, a coach or a therapist, and see which ones fit you best. I would avoid techniques and strategies given to you by social media like Tik Tok unless they are a reliable source.
As you try different techniques, you will find that some strategies will work for you and some won’t. That’s normal. Try the strategies for a little while before deciding that they won’t work. As you keep searching for the right techniques, you will find 2 or 3 that will work better for you than others. You can pull these tools out of your mental “tool box” when you need them. As you experiment, you will learn better and better how your ADHD affects you and what kind of strategies you best respond to. You’ll also learn steps you can take to tackle any symptoms you might be having. Having some strategies that you know work for you can give you the confidence to handle situations as they come up. Many teens I’ve worked with have found that as they begin to see results from the techniques that work for them, then their confidence begins to grow. Many of clients report having less anxiety about their symptoms after discovering strategies. Less anxiety can also affect how you see yourself.
I’m biased, but I think a good course of action for someone who is struggling with their symptoms of ADHD is to work with a coach or therapist for a period of time. That coach or therapist can provide strategies that have worked for other people as well as tailor strategies based on what they think will work best for you.
If you follow the above suggestions, I believe that you’ll be on the right track for managing your ADHD and feeling good about yourself. If you have any questions, feel free to check in with me. All the best to you in your ADHD journey!
